Coming across - not just being a boss
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Common pitfalls in leadership
Courage The manager doesn’t dare or feels unable to bring up difficult topics. He/she is more worried about hurting the relationship or the person than to achieve results.
Honesty When the manager finally does bring up the topic he/she does it in a round-about way, taking back what just has been said, toning down the importance of the message or even in his/her fright to hurt the other person confusing things and thereby making the situation even worse. The manager even – in his/her own confusion – sometimes starts shouting just to keep “control”.
Delegating Managers often have a very strong tendency to solve problems for others. Even before they have grasped the whole width of the problem they come with suggestions and advice. Who doesn´t want to be popular, competent and creative? This strong tendency does not help in the development of the teams skills and competence.
To be clear The manager expresses him/herself unclearly. The body language doesn´t match the words, he/she is unclear on what the message really is or what he/she really wants the employee to do but have the impression that he/she is being forthright. It is always the senders´ responsibility that the message gets across!
Empathy The manager has a hard time understanding other peoples situation. He/she judges feelings on a rational level instead of an emotional level, becomes too formal or ends up in a state of chock.
Feedback Feedback is a central tool in any leadership and peoples need to know how they are doing is extremely important. Yet many managers have a hard time giving constructive, useful feedback – especially if it is negative. Very often feedback is given too late or when something doesn´t work. It is expressed in opinions that become impossible for the receiver to understand and/or awakens the instinct of defense.
Listening Many (managers) find it very difficult to understand what other people are saying because they are totally focused on their own more or less conscious process. They respond to what is being said without understanding the depth of the message, what the sender really is saying.
Questions The manager is not aware of the mass of closed questions he/she is asking that will block the communication and lead to one-way alleys. Afterwards the employee is blamed for being “difficult” and not open to collaboration.
Targets Managers are often good at handling targets/goals when it comes to figures and results but when it comes to being clear on targets for oneself in a communicative situation they are at loss. This applies to a difficult meeting, a presentation, a development discussion or any other communication. The few times he/she has a goal it is very often much too general or unspecific , too circumstantial or too unrealistic.
Defense When being questioned – or belief that one is being questioned – it is very common that the manager goes into defense mood by giving long explanations or going to attack which just reveals the arguments and personality and quickly kills any trust.
Setting the limits Many managers have a hard time defining the boarders on what is to be done, what is allowed or even to define the private self and the leadership.
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